To get away from zina and having believes in allah

Question

Assalamu alaikum.  Currently I am studying in an University.  Because of  my family issue I have no other way but to study here. My father died in 2018.  After the death of my father I have been very traumatised. It was a sudden death. I used to be very bad child. I used to argue with them and didn’t listen to my father. Sometimes I even hurted his feeling. And after his death I Could not forgive myself. I felt very lonely as I only have my mother with whom i can talk.  But my relationship with her also got destroyed after my father's death. And i started to talk with other people specially men on the internet. I do full burkha and hijab but i am not consistent in namaz. In the real life i Don't talk with men. But in internet i talk with a lot of random people.  I feel like a hypocrite.  I had two online relationship. I broke up with them and i never met with them  in real life. I am trying to change myself but because of loneliness i go back to talk with random people in online again and again. I know i have to read salah and everything but i still cannot do it. I want to change myself but i am not being able to do that. And these days i feel like i am loosing my faith in Allah. I feel empty and I also Don't want to live. But i also Cannot kill myself cuz I am afraid of the darkness in the Kabar. I even talked with mother that i want to marry but i have no one who is willing to talk with anyone for my marriage proposal. I started to have phobia towards marriage as well. "What if the guy also had relationship and maybe he is not even vargin. Even if the men is best person in the eyes of Allah I am a sinner. I had relationship in online. No Men who is religious will marry me." These type of thoughts come in my mind. I try to make duaa. But it all feels like useless. I am 22 years old now. And I Don't  know what should I do. I also Don't have anyone to ask these questions. So i am asking here. I also got admitted to IOM so that I Don't kill myself and Don't forget my Allah. Please help me and tell me what should I do. How can I fix myself??

Answer 1

ওয়া আলাইকুমুস-সালাম ওয়া রাহমাতুল্লাহি ওয়া বারাকাতুহু। 

বিসমিল্লাহির রাহমানির রাহিম।

জবাবঃ-

আলহামদুলিল্লাহ!

«يا معشر الشبابمن استطاع منكم الباءة فليتزوج، ومن لم يستطع فعليه بالصوم فإنه له وجاء»

রাসূলুল্লাহ্ সাল্লাল্লাহু আলাইহি ওয়াসাল্লাম আমাদেরকে বলেছেন, হে যুবকের দল! তোমাদের মধ্যে যে বিয়ের সামর্থ্য রাখে, সে যেন বিয়ে করে এবং যে বিয়ের সামর্থ্য রাখে না, সে যেন ‘সওম’ পালন করে। কেননা, সওম যৌন ক্ষমতাকে দমন করে।(সহীহ বোখারী-৫০৬৫) বিস্তারিত জানতে ভিজিট করুন- https://www.ifatwa.info/2276

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